Skyrim: 5 Things It's Missing
Skyrim might be a big game, but Bethesda has made some schoolboy errors…
As gamer’s we feel it’s our duty to point them out so that similar mistakes aren’t made in the future. This is beginner’s stuff it honestly is; Bethesda must be kicking themselves.
You might think The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is the most complete console RPG ever created, but here are 5, crushingly obvious leftovers that totally ruin the experience. We don’t think we’ll ever get over it… it’s just too upsetting.
Here’s a run down of the top 5 things that, clearly, should have been included in Skyrim…
5. Toilets
Oh, so we’re expected to believe we have to sleep whenever we can, but we can’t ever take a shit? Ever? Where are all the toilets in Skyrim? You’d at least think players would occasionally come across a farmer doing his business, but no; no one in Skyrim ever needs a poo. Even the woods are off limits because they’re full of bears, but none of them, and I mean none of them, are ever shitting there. That answers one question.
4. Dinosaurs
There are mammoths and sabertooth tigers, so why not dinosaurs? And before you say that dragons are like dinosaurs, let us be the first to inform you that dinosaurs and dragons became extinct at totally different times. Having dinosaurs roam the plains alongside mammoths, as they did in the past, would have been so much more realistic than having dragons. You can’t tell us you wouldn’t want to see a Chungkingosaurus Jiangbeiensis stomping around Skyrim, stealing all the toilets?
3. Cars
‘An olde world fantasy RPG, with cars? Are you mental? Our answer is ‘why not?’ Cars are the perfect means of transport across huge open spaces and Skyrim has loads of these. Walking around on-foot or on horseback takes flipping ages and it’s really boring, hasn’t Bethesda ever played Baja: Edge Of Control? It’s amazing. ATVs would have made it much easier to chase dragons around. Think about it; you know we’re right.
2. Yoda
Yoda, in Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, is as wise as he is old and as green as he is strong with the Force and as mode of speech as he is backwards in. Skyrim might be filled to bursting with colourful characters but none of them are Yoda; what were they thinking? Magic in Skyrim is basically the Force, and Yoda has already appeared in Soul Calibur IV, and they made it work in that game. This would have made Skyrim at 5.8% better; 95.8% better if Bethesda had also included toilets for us to loot troll turds from.
1. Dr Who
Dr Who is a Time Lord which means he can travel through time all he wants. He also has access to the Tardis which allows him to travel through time and space (at the same time), so the fact that he doesn’t appear anywhere throughout Skyrim is a glaring omission. There’s heavy shit going down and a complete dearth of Timelords. Bethesda could have tied it into the BBC Christmas special.
Bethesda really should have thought twice about releasing such an obviously lacking game and they should hang their heads in shame. If you’d like to read more of our thoughts on Bethesda’s excellent new game here’s a look at some of Skyrim’s glitches, part one and part two and here’s a look at Skyrim’s five most fantastic locations.
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Dragons really existed? OMG
I know, amazing right?
Clearly missing the ability to fletch Arrows…
So…dinosaurs and mammoths lived at the same time….you must be kidding me…dont know if author is trolling or just stupid…worthless thread
It lacks the ability to set children on fire, that was obviously a massive disappointment. I also haven’t seen any birds. I’ve *heard* them but not seen them so I assume it’s piped music. I’m yet to pass an apple tree, where the flip are all the green apples coming from? The inns are missing doors to the rooms, how am I meant to get it on with a passing Orc when a bard is leering down at me?
Not to mention the chronic inability to get it on with an Orc.
I’m 45hrs into the game but now thanks to this article I realise Skyrim is only a 7/10.
^_^
Mammoths/Sabertooth Tiger’s and Dinosaurs didn’t co exist….. so they didn’t roam along side each other in the past, not by a few million years……
someone beat me to it by 4 minutes. I was obviously more stunned at the retardedness than he.
And when were dragons around? We’ve got to be absolutely sure about species’ timelines, here. Sheesh.
Yes, yes. So, let me get this straight.
Dinosaurs were around first, then sabertooths and mammoths. Were Dragons in the middle and exactly how many of them caught a glimpse of Doctor Who?
We need to be scientifically accurate on this one and I’m not leaving this forum until I get some solid answers.
Sabre tooth tigers came first then after the ice age they molted and became dinosaurs.
@Libitinax
Right, right! Now we’re getting somewhere. What came next? Was that dragons? Or houseflies?
The Terminator came back in time and eradicated all dinosaurs.
And don’t be silly, houseflies aren’t real!
Okay, so, just to summarise, in order of appearance during pre-history:
1. Cars
2. Sabretooth Tigers (which moulted to become)
3. Dinosaurs
4. Dragons
5. Terminators
6. ? I’m thinking massive enemy crabs.
Yeah, crabs then Jesus.
one thing that i hate that is missing is the ability to set your arrows on fire by sticking the tip of it into a torch then shooting it like that. was a cheap way around the fire enchantment but was fun none the less. dont like that you couldnt adjust your stats yourself also.
I like the first few comments where people were still failing to see the satire in all of it.
Really though, the ability to craft your own arrows would be nice. A mod perhaps.
…seriously ppl? Lol
Ummm besides toilets and apple trees I think this game is perfect
And dragons are not proven that have existed however I like to think they have lol
And in hyboria in conan’s adventures you will see mamouths bones but no t-Rex k
And dinosaur’s were there but mamouths were there way after as well lol same with saber tooths ..soooo they got it the best they can for an amazing fantasy world that’s very close to real life ..or most realistic fantasy
Dr.who? Wtf who cares? Lol
Yoda aaaah they have games with that green bean in it …and it’s nothing to do with this game or it’s story …or universe lol
And Dino’s ..hmm would not be as fantastical but Jurassic park like soooo no thanks
..and btw dodo bird was last to be instinct out of prehistoric animals I believe lol ..just for record lol
Actually, Dodos went extinct within the last 200 years and there are prehistoric animals still walking the Earth. Crocodiles, sharks and so on; look it up.
dinosaurs and mammoths did not exist in the same time period their are about 50 million years between the cretaceous period and the existence of mammoths.
Actualy here’s a real list after my 100hour I as I got the week off its got some large things missing. 1. You can’t do anything to do with bards when you become one…what’s the point!? 2. Major arrow crafting and upgrading needed. 3. You are restricted to people they choose you can marry which makes no sense. 4 children need to be removed because they pull from the experience as there evil demon who can’t die. 5 being able to brawl with anyone as well as a massive failure in the speech department of the game. 6. Actual Nordic stuff in the world…seems a lot of imperial castles and dwarf ruins(who are elves not dwarfs which angered me massively). Still rate it 9.5 but the the speech is a fail in this game and all actions revolving around interacting with people. When did you need speech to invest in someones business explain that to me bethesda, I can write you a letter and buy shares we don’t even need to meet “money does the talking” 7. Unarmed combat needs to return…I feel lame I can’t make a kung Fu character in this one. Werewolfs are limited because of this and enchantments are nurfed. 8 I can’t make my own spells anymore how sad 9. History on why my character had disappeared from history in oblivion. 10. I have about 3 more and can’t remember them. I love this game but I wanted 4.5 years of a bit more work and less game of the year parties like they have every time they release a game. Also my ps3 can’t handle it cause it’s save is 16mbs now and I don’t need the slow time skill anymore…patch me.
Fuck off all 5 is useless go create ur own game if u dont like skyrim
Seems that now any retard with access to a 3rd rate website, can publish articles like this.
Ridiculous article! And I thought that maybe the author had some interesting insights into something that could have improved Skyrim. The only thing that I think they should have included is the “hardcore” mode that New Vegas had; where you had to sleep, eat, and hydrate. That would have been good.
Oh yeah another thing the “game of the year” award when Batman: Arkham City wins it!
“Having dinosaurs roam the plains alongside mammoths, as they did in the past”
That didn’t happen, dink.
This is silly. There are “toilets” in the game. Several houses and lairs have stalls set up with a bucket that are obviously there for taking a shit, Check out the dark brotherhood lair in dawnstar. The most recent place I’ve noticed it.
Who the hell wrote this? I mean seriously leaving out cars, Yoda and doctor who from an elder scrolls game are apparently “crushingly obvious leftovers that totally ruin the experience?” Seriously? How is this magazine selling if they have this clueless of writers?
Reading some of these comments makes me sad.Some people are just stupid. Do you really not see the satire in this article? Really?
you should all get by now that they are just joking around and really mean that skyrim is amazing….. With a ton of things to do
These are so freakin stupid…Cars…Yoda..really? most retarded article i’ve read in a while
It’s like cursing the game makers for unnecessary reasons, every game can’t be make as saints rows. Games like skyrim has to be in their own manner.. and i only agree with toilet thing :-p
There are some truly retarded people around here.
1. There are cars in the game!
2. Yoda existed in a different galaxy so its hard for him to move through space and time. (well space is easy, time not so much)
3. Dinosaurs were an invention, created to fool us into believing the Arabs are worth trading with.
4. You can actually got to the toilet in the game. Just squeeze the controller really hard!!!
5. Satire is something many people don’t understand.
fuck you and your cars
Good article. Honestly thought this was serious until got got to cars. I lold
Wow, going back and reading the comments……Are you people not reading the whole thing? Lmao bunch of tards
Yoda would be pretty cool :D LOL
TROLOLOLO
If this were actually Skyrim, many of the commenters here would have long ago been maced to death for their sheer stupidity.
And here I read the title and thought that this would be a legitimate article. Silly me.
what a crock of shit! you wanna watch people shit then hang around public toilets, im sure u and george micheal will get along just great.
How about these for 5 things that are missing?
1. A decent campaign
2. Great graphics
3. Good voice actors
4. Dragons that actually stand a chance fighting against my character
5. A good user interface
does it really matter if there’s dinosaurs… i mean it isnt even earth, well last time i checked its a different world (even if it isnt actually a world.. its a game) that had extremely similar organisms that have been changed throughout time, see they called it a saber cat in the game instead of a saber tooth tiger, and how do you know that the organisms are just more efficient than earthly organisms, as in that the use all internal matter, instead of “wasting” it in a toilet, maybe dr. who just hasnt found tamriel yet… and maybe yoda hasnt found the planet yet either… maybe his rocket ship doesnt have enough fuel to reach it… because it might just be in another universe, wich would completely destroy the term universe and make us all go crazy… see bethesda thought of EVERYTHING… if you go through my brain in the delusional part you’ll find out they wrote all those things on the internet somewhere the nobody else can find… yeah… how’s that make you feel about your article… mhmm… yeah……………………………..
…yeah
Dinosaurs shouldnt be i the game but something similar to dinosaurs should because dragons dont even bother my character anymore they are more of an inconvineince than a challenging enemy
well this is bogus and stupid.toilets ok but more out house type.since its midevil /ancient/prehistoric times…. no electricity so no cars or atv..who and yoda is jus to be funny…but if they had flying prehistoric animals.thats a ok.also cyclops wont be bad,being able to dig 4 treasure.dragons fights dragons giants fight giants , etc. this is jus like runescape so to speak…your doing the samething over & over..,from cave to dungons to missilaneous quest bounty thevies guild etc.overall a splendid game jus need more of imperials fighting stormcloak at each other bases…. as for weaponds add crossbow,ball&chain,catipults…. have your own castle own rules…recruit ppl so on….have a serpent stone cool….why not add them add crocs gator,snake/giant snake ,primates ,hippo,rhino,water animals,from prehistoric times… horses.war horse so to speak.have horse armor…fight on horses and better a.i. have followers of imperials or stormcloak…followers get on horse with you or they get their own…fix bugs
And another thing wont fit right…jus go around crushing stuff and plus how they attack u bit&chew you to pieces. dragons being able to keep one and fly on it..wit bow&arrows equip demolish enemies down below or near by
all guards sound the same…need diff actors
Also, domestic cats