Word counts suck! Why? Dynasty Warriors: Gundam, that’s why! All that’s needed is to write the title 50 times and the review is done. You think of Dynasty Warriors, then you think of Gundam and that’s exactly the game you get. Massive, Japanese robots beating the unrelenting living crap out of each other until no other sum’ bitch is left standing. As has been the trend for some time, a select few will appreciate the simple yet deep system that is in place, whereas others just see a button masher.

If you sit in the former camp, then Gundam will satisfy your Dynasty Warriors lust. However, Namco’s ubersuccessful franchise isn’t going to get off that easy. We’re the first to pony up and shout till our lungs hurt that we get a kick out of the Dynasty Warriors series of mash-’em-ups. You have 20 minutes to spare, why not see how much of a punishing your X button can take? But, that doesn’t excuse laziness and, good gosh, Dynasty Warriors: Gundam is sluggish. We honestly thought Koei must have decided to greenlight the production of an original Xbox version before scrapping those plans and moving the project to the 360 but then forgetting to upgrade anything – it looks atrocious! The only thing high definition here is the fact that Gundam can run on an HDTV.

It’s also disappointing that the combos that are unlocked as you level up aren’t particularly devastating. There are still a few able to melt your retinas but, on the whole, more would have satisfied our longing.

Just to express the last of our woes, the story is complete tripe. Surely even fans of the anime must realise how loopy the narrative is, and the one thrown in here is absolute bonkers. You can pretend that you care and watch every crazy cut-scene, but you’ll just be kidding yourself – the inane and nonsensical dialogue is ludicrous.

Still, there’s something very addictive about taking a mech and doing the done Dynasty Warriors thing. Considering putting the two franchises together is like RockStar and Bungie joining forces to make ‘Grand Theft Auto: Halo’: even someone with half a brain can figure out why it will be such a success. If you’re able to switch off the old noggin and enjoy frivolous, undemanding gameplay that ensures every kill is ridiculously meaningless then this one’s for you! Otherwise, just pretend it doesn’t exist.

Simon Miller