Crap joke thread

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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Average Bear1 on Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:30 pm

gugly_duk wrote:Sorry for the bump :)


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My
measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?


LMAO! I fucking love bloodninja.

<I.F.> You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
<SexyKarla17> Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
<I.F.> a Kodiac bear
<SexyKarla17> ?
<I.F.> Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
<SexyKarla17> Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my :way down your stomach
<I.F.> I growl to warm you my cubs are near
<SexyKarla17> huh?
<I.F.> Bears get fuckin pumped when anyone is near their cubs
<SexyKarla17> yhea hehe dont be silly..
<SexyKarla17> I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
<I.F.> Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
<SexyKarla17> hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking :it off me slowly
<I.F.> I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
<I.F.> I Growl again, and start to bite you
<SexyKarla17> Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
<I.F.> I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood :mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
<SexyKarla17> what the fuck?
<I.F.> uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.
"I was never afraid of failure, for I would sooner fail than not be among the best."
- John Keats
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby gugly_duk on Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:03 pm

ClownTrousers wrote:I was in the garden the other day with my ladder. It wasn't my real ladder, it was my stepladder.



Read that yesterday.
I'm still laughing.
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Dynamite Dan on Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:28 pm

ClownTrousers wrote:I was in the garden the other day with my ladder. It wasn't my real ladder, it was my stepladder.


Is there supposed to be a punchline? Because I honestly don't get it :?
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby gugly_duk on Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:49 pm

Are you serious? :lol:
Its the funniest thing I've heard in weeks :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Dynamite Dan on Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:56 pm

Yep, please explain lol :?
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby QuickBen67 on Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:59 pm

Dynamite Dan wrote:Yep, please explain lol :?


Real Dad = Dad
Other Dad = Step Dad

Getting any closer Dan?
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Bob wrote:Can't say I agree mate. It's as smooth as a cashmere cod piece.

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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Dynamite Dan on Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:07 pm

QuickBen67 wrote:
Dynamite Dan wrote:Yep, please explain lol :?


Real Dad = Dad
Other Dad = Step Dad

Getting any closer Dan?


:| I thought it may have had something to do with Step Dads but it wasn't funny so I thought I was wrong.
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby gugly_duk on Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:14 pm

CRAP JOKE THREAD
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Dynamite Dan on Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:15 pm

Fair enough :lol:
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby leelee on Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:32 pm

what did one extractor fan say to the other extractor fan?

i used to like tractors :lol:
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby conkerconquer on Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:50 pm

leelee wrote:what did one extractor fan say to the other extractor fan?

i used to like tractors :lol:


:lol:

That's made my day.
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Ginga on Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:24 am

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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Tom909 on Fri Sep 11, 2009 4:59 pm

Dynamite Dan wrote: :| I thought it may have had something to do with Step Dads but it wasn't funny so I thought I was wrong.


That's quite possibly the funniest thing I've read in this thread. It certainly made me smirk. :lol:
'Nothing is true, all is permissible' (Hassan-i Sabbah).

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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Average Bear1 on Fri Sep 11, 2009 11:50 pm

I used to tell people I LOVE desperate housewives, then I found out it's a tv show...

Thats a shortened version of one of my standup act jokes. :D
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Re: Crap joke thread

Postby Tom909 on Sat Sep 12, 2009 11:51 am

Average Bear1 wrote:Thats a shortened version of one of my standup act jokes. :D


In that case I think you should resign yourself to the fact that you'll be sat down for the entirity of your career :wink:
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