Top 5 Videogame Jobs Worse Than Keeping Goal

After EA recently announced the ability to spend 90  minutes between the sticks during 11 versus 11 online matches, it struck us as perhaps the worst occupation simulated in videogame form. After all, you don’t see ‘keepers jumping up and down to be picked in the playground, do you? Still, after some thought we soon came up with jobs far worse…

5) Prince of trash

The Prince of Beautiful Katamari fame must sure kick off our run-down, charged as he is with picking up all the bits of fluff and used sweet wrappers that fall behind your sofa.

Worse still, he doesn’t get to keep any of the loose change, and if everything isn’t cleared up quick enough, some omnipotent force spreads the whole lot out again, creating an endless chain of other people’s crap.

4) Muck spreading

Saints Row 2 occasionally fell foul to, let’s say, poor taste. One mission in particular springs to mind, in which players don the outfit of Stilwater’s sanitation department, taking charge of a sewage truck.

Sure, the fact they’re then able to turn its hose on several well-to-do houses makes up for toying with the fruit of other people’s behinds, but it’s still not a task we’d relish…

3) Bucket of sawdust

There can be few existences more pitiable in gaming than that of a Rollercoaster Tycoon janitor. They’re paid in peanuts, spend days cleaning the sick of over-indulgent guests, and it’s far more amusing to throw ‘em in the nearest lake than fire them properly.

And you can’t even relax and cut the grass, because that isn’t ‘cost effective’…

2) Not rhyming slang

A rather obvious entry for Monkey of Enslaved seeing as slavery, by definition, is the most abominable job going. As Futurama’s writers once observed, working long hours and not being paid isn’t the bad thing about it, that’s the only thing about it…

1) Decorated scholar

Gordon Freeman may seem somewhat of an odd choice, but considering the fact it’s constantly hammered into players just how many degrees and doctorates the man holds that his entire job seems to be wheeling a ‘sample’ around and bringing about the apocalypse…