Top 10 sexiest games coming over 2012
Bringing sexy back… to the future!
Following the runaway success of our in-depth investigative report, Top 10 sexiest games coming over 2011, published this time last year, here’s the imaginatively titled Top 10 sexiest games coming over 2012. Because that’s why we play them, right?
Mass Effect 3
The first two Mass Effects didn’t have an ‘official’ female version of Shepard so, in the interests of ‘equality’, BioWare held a vote on its Facebook feed, allowing fans to choose which of five versions of Femshep they’d like to be made the official one. And you know what they say, blondes have more… votes?
Final Fantasy XIII-2
In Final Fantasy XIII, Lightning was nearly as sexy as the Gladiator of the same name (a.k.a. Kim Betts), but in Final Fantasy XIII-2 she has a fancy new look and is now even sexier than her muscular, blonde, formerly famous namesake.
From the studio that brought you the exceptionally sexy Bayonetta comes this multiplayer fighting game, which features some sexy participants. Wii owners might recognise Mathilda here from MadWorld. What could be sexier than a skintight metal suit with sharp, spiky drill bits on the nipples?
Soul Calibur V
Back for a fifth (or maybe sixth?) round of weapon-enhanced fisticuffs, it’s the proud owner of gaming’s hardest wedgie, Ivy Valentine, who will actually be reversing the usual trend and sporting smaller breasts and a slightly more modest outfit than before in Soul Calibur V. Still sexy though, as are all the other characters in Soul Calibur V, including Voldo.
Lara Croft is gaming’s original pin-up but her ‘spindly legs and waist, massive boobs and lips’ look has dated over the years and Square Enix has ordered an image overhaul for the queen of adventuring. Apparantly, we’re turned off by women who look like sex dolls these days. To the modern gamer sexy means dirty, bleeding and suffering constantly. With bigger than average, if not unfeasibly large, boobs.
Street Fighter X Tekken
Two classic fighting games in one can only mean one thing – twice as much sexy. Actually it can mean a whole bunch of other things too, but you have to appreciate that this article exists in a kind of isolated, sexy bubble. I’ve chosen Cammy to illustrate SFxT here because… well, seems I might have a bit of a thing about wedgies… but everyone has their own sexy favourite from these two legendary fighting stables.
Resident Evil: Revelations
Rachel here caused a bit of a stir among Resident Evil fans when the trailer in which she starred, then violently died, was shown at TGS. The haters seemed to be saying that a scenario in which an extraordinarily curvaceous young woman whose catsuit won’t zip up all the way, and whose eyes are covered by her hair lest they distract you from her gargantuan cleavage, gets a mysterious, sticky, white substance dripped all over her was somewhat over-sexualised. Dear me, some people will complain about anything, won’t they?
Dead Or Alive 5
Tecmo Koei has actually been uncharacteristically restrained in its promotion of Dead Or Alive so far, revealing very little of the series’ famous female combatants up to this point. This piece of art is quite sexy though, but that’s not because she’s crying. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be sweat. You weirdos are just seeing what you want to see…
“Is it just me or is that a cheerleader with a giant, spiky, metal penis?” Those were my exact words upon seeing this screenshot for the first time. Not wishing to be accused of releasing nothing but upskirt shots of Lollipop Chainsaw’s teen heroine, Juliet Starling, Grasshopper Manufacture has covered her modesty in this one with about the least subtle phallic symbol imaginable. Which is sexy.
DmC: Devil May Cry
I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing when I first set eyes on this piece of official DmC artwork. Is he really making a gun from his hand, placing it on his crotch and ‘shooting’ it into the face of a semi-naked woman? Yes… yes he is. I’m at a loss for words…